Some People Wander

On my first day of kindergarten I wore my hair neatly in braid. It was a long blond braid that cascaded down my back and ended shortly past my bottom. I had on my first day of school outfit, a new backpack, and a look of utter bewilderment. I held my Mom's hand tightly as the yellow school bus slowed to a stop in front of us. I turned and in an act of desperation wrapped my arms around my Mom and began sobbing. My Mom acted with grace in a moment that was potentially embracing for us both. She managed to coax me onto the bus and talk a 5th grader into taking care of me until I found my class.

It is almost scary how little I've changed since then. I have moved from home, traveled, and tried many new things but never without the last act of desperately clinging to what I know. I like to be comfortable. I like having things around me that make me feel safe. I like having people around me that make me feel safe. In the same breath, I recognize the tremendous amount of growth available to me when I move beyond the comfortable and the safe to seek the new and the challenging.

I bring this up because my husband and friends have started discussing the possibility of moving to New Orleans. The need there is still great. With 40% of the homes abandoned or destroyed the neighborhoods look less than inviting. My husband, Dave, looks at this as an opportunity to build community in the places that have been abandoned. He and our friend Kate see it as an opportunity to live out the faith we profess. I see it as another opportunity to find something to cling to and sob.

It's a conflicting feeling, much like the one I had while waiting for the bus over 23 years ago. I am scared. I like my home, my job, and my current community. I'm not looking for adventure, I am not a thrill seeker. But, there is a part of me who wants to go and see. I want to try this out, because there is a potential that this could be good. I mean kindergarten turned out alright. My teacher did yell at me for not knowing how to tie my shoes, but learning how to read was pretty cool.