A Sign

I was bringing in the garbage cans, thinking about God and a podcast I listened to yesterday about signs. Mid-thought I looked up and saw an enormous hawk circling in the sky. He looped above the hill behind my house; his circles getting smaller then larger again as he took in the ground below. I watched standing still as stone, until I remembered there were groceries in the car that needed unloading. I took several steps away, then looked back. The hawk was now following me, each circle bringing him closer and closer to where I stood. He circled directly above me. I could see his head angled in my direction, taking me in; almost a reflection of my own gaze. I feared momentarily that he would notice I had no great talons or teeth to defend myself with. But, after a 3 or 4 seconds his curiosity was satisfied and he took his leave of me. I stood dumbfounded, wondering if this had been a sign. I sign for what I wondered?


Spinning Dreams

I remember one of the first conversations I had with my housemates when I lived at Wildhorse Canyon (now Washington Family Ranch). I was eager to make friends and find common interests. I heard two of the gals sitting at the table talking about their spinning classes and how they loved spinning (or something to that effect).

My ears perked up and I grew excited. I knew about spinning! I quickly offered that my mom spins and that we have sheep. The girls looked confused momentarily. "She spins their wool," I clarified. I didn't know where I had gone wrong in this conversation. Kindly, they explained that spinning is what you do on exercise bikes. I simply had no idea.

I've never come to terms with the dual use of this word. To me, spinning will forever be what you do when converting a fiber into yarn. Recently, this has become one of my interests. I had the radical idea that I could start a business making yarn. I don't know if it's possible, but in true Johnson fashion, I've purchased a book about the topic and have been thoroughly enjoying it. There are lots of pictures (plus!). The book is called Spin Control.

I've also been researching spinning wheels and this is the one I'm dreaming about owning...

Beautiful, isn't it?



I've been thinking a lot lately. Mostly about the future and what I want to be when I grow up; two hard topics to contemplate considering my general lack of future knowledge. If I were able to know how one event would effect another and in turn effected myself, then I might be better able to make a decision and stick to it (in regards to what I want to be).

I watched a movie today called Timer. It's a sci-fi romance, featuring the actress from Buffy the Vampire Slayer who played Anya (Emma Caulfield). At the time when this movie takes place, most everyone has a timer. The timer is a devise which is attached to your wrist that will count down to the very day you meet your soul mate. On that day, when your eyes meet, the timer beeps and you just know.

I see the allure of such a devise. Not only do you know that an event will happen, you also know how many days until said event (unless, of course, your soul mate does not have a timer). I know this is a bit abstract, but I wish I could simplify my decision making process in choosing a profession so easily. I would just buy a devise, it would read some sort of scientific, hormony level...then poof! I would just know. All doubt erased.

I wonder if anyone would like to act as a timer for me? What is a career that you think would fit this artist and farmer?


Further thoughts on Harry Potter

*There is some information in this post about books 4 & 5. Nothing that would spoil them, but information nonetheless.

I was ruminating a bit more on the bravery shown in the face of fear throughout Harry Potter. In their most terrifying of accomplishments they usually survived on sheer nerve. Harry used all the resources he had and faced the fear. The one point of weakness for Harry was in his mind.

I would rather face a dragon than face what's going on in my mind. At least the dragon is straight forward. "Accio Firebolt!" I would cry, then see where my wits would take me. Hopefully I would survive, but it's a dragon I'm facing and let's face it, I don't really know how I could prepare myself beyond the survival instincts I was born with. You might be able to store a few tricks up your sleeve, but in a case like this you're just going to improvise then it's done. Pretty straight forward.

In the mind you have to grapple with things you can't touch or strangle. One of the hardest books for me to read is The Order of the Pheonix, because it has so much to do with the mind. Harry's scar prickles then his mind is assulted. He can't detach himself from it. I don't know how you can. My mind is always at work and sometimes it feels like it's working against me. It's as if I have my own Lord Voldermort spinning lies and deliusions that I (for reasons beyond me) believe. It is this mind of mine that creates obstacles and fear. How do I fight my own mind?

I either need to learn Occlumency (does any one know how to do this?) or fight by other means; with the love in my heart and the memory of those who care for me.



Yesterday I finished reading the Harry Potter series for the second/third time. I actually finished the last book on Friday, but it was just too hard to put that seventh book back on my shelf. So, I re-read the last 200 pages slowly, soaking in all the wonderful details.

It's become quite plain that I am in awe of J.K. Rowling. Her stories are so intensely filled with imagination and heart. I cry and shout in triumph right along with the characters. Neville Longbottom is by far my favorite character to cheer onwards and I often throw my fists up in victory as he accomplishes something he once thought out of his reach. By the seventh book I am utterly filled with pride as I read about Neville and his dedication to the people he cares about.

Yesterday as I put the book back on the shelf, I felt a real sense of missing. I felt apart of the story and with it gone, so went that part of me. In the story they do sometimes foolish and daring things, but always with a drive to either content their curiosity or to work out a solution to fight the darkness invading their world. I was challenged as I looked at myself and realized how often I am discouraged by the simplest obstacle and often give up as I pursue my curiosity or drive to ward of the darkness in my world.

I say this often, but I will say it again--I want to be brave. I want to go beyond the obstacles. I want to do the things that frighten me. I want to be able to throw my fists up in victory as I face my fear head on; kicking, punching, and screaming at the fear if need be.


As Seen On Mt. Tabor

  • A large man riding a scooter sized crotch rocket.
  • A mid-twenties surfer boy on a long board hanging out with a forty-something woman in a leopard print leotard on roller blades.
  • A man that looked like Dr. Emmett Brown (Back to the Future) riding his long board (I wished it was a hover board--but I guess they don't take those out into public yet).